Reading Journal 2: On Belief by Slavoj Zizek - Marriage

Zizek has this little peice on giving and sacrifice. In it he takes apart the standard concept of gift.

Gift ceases to be something given from someone to someone but something always already given. When I buy a gift I buy it for someone and never consider the object mine.
The giver never owns the gift, the sacrifice is always already made.

It made me think about my marriage vows.

When I promised myself to my wife, I merely articulated reality, that I was hers. I don't think it would have been possible to be otherwise. I be ready to make a vow of marriage, is to be already married, is to already have given yourself to that person. That commitment is always already present. Thus, I haven't yet kept my marriage vow, they've been descriptive rather than prescriptive.

One cay i may find myself in a place where my vows aren't descriptive, where I dont long to/want to be hers. At that point, and only at that point, does my marriage become living and active. Neverthelss not my will, but my word be done.

I was talking to my brother about a friend who has walked out on his wife. "You can live with a girl and no one cares, but if you're gonna marry her then you're in for the long hall" he said. Precisely. When men walk out on their wives (and vice versa) because they "don't feel in love" or "don't love her like I did" they have missed that magical moment where a farce can become a vow. Where a description can become a promise, where easy words become hard promises. Men who walk out when it becomes hard, when it requires sacrifice, or forgiveness, or change have only proved that they were never really married, that they spoke too soon, that they were tested and found wanting.

Marriage is an uncessecary promise made for when it will become necessary. It creates a void that will be filled with suffering rather than desertion, but that suffereing will produce hope and perfect faith.

No wonder the apostle Paul couldn't talk about marriage without talking about Christ and the church.
No wonder James told people suffering for Christ to rejoice.

One day when the gloss has worn off my marriage and life offers me a shinier, prettier, new, exciting other way and I turn aside and say "I can't I'm married" a little bit of me will rejoice, because for the first time I will know for certain I am.

I have heard people talking about Jean-Luc Marion's work on the phenomenology of the Gift, must track that down.

Del.icio.us tags: Zizek, Gift, marriage vows, sacrifice, apostle paul

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